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Parenting

Minding Manners: 14 Ways to Raise a Polite Child

By Carol Josel

Do your kids remember to say, “Excuse me,” when it’s called for? How about “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome?” If you’re not hearing those words at home, then it’s no wonder the rest of us aren’t hearing them either. A 2002 Public Agenda survey found 48 percent of adults only sometimes encountered people who ever said “please” and “thank you.” Sixteen percent said they practically never saw that kind of polite behavior.

“Blaming our fast-paced modern life for our ill-mannered children is a cop-out. If parents come home frantic from work and fail to sit down at the table and talk to their children, then people are just making excuses,” said Nancy Tuckerman of The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette.

So, what’s your excuse if your kids are lacking in manners? Are you shrugging your shoulders right about now, dancing around the issue and blaming society for your too-busy schedule? It’s never our fault, is it? No matter what the problem or issue, a popular defense is to take the offense and point the finger elsewhere–modeling behaviors that simply compound the problem. We serve as models for how we want our children to behave in the world. Establish an early, easy rapport with them. Make family time a priority and gather together at mealtimes and in-between times–these things set the stage for parenting success and character-building in our young. Part of that equation also includes instilling good manners and acceptable standards of behavior, so remind your child of these things on a regular basis:

1. Accept other people’s opinions graciously, agreeing to disagree.

2. Never make disparaging comments regarding race, religion, or lifestyle.

3. Listen attentively to others and maintain eye contact.

4. Refrain from interrupting when someone is speaking.

5. Think before you speak.

6. Return what you borrow & always in the same condition as when it was lent.

7. Don’t be pushy!

8. Pick up after yourself.

9. Share whenever possible and think of others, not just yourself.

10. Open doors for others.

11. Greet friends at the door & walk them to it when they’re leaving.

12. Never forget to say, “Excuse me,” whenever called for.

13. Say “please” when making requests and asking favors.

14. Always show your gratitude by saying, “thank you.”

And, having said that, please make the writing of thank you notes a must–not an option. Remember this headline on Dec. 27 in the USA Today: Whatever happened to thank-you notes? In an age of multi-tasking and e-mails, manners often take a holiday.

Carol Josel is an author, writer and teacher from Blue Bell, Pa.