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This Mother’s Day You Deserve Some Me Time

By Dr. Michele Borba

Of course we love our kids, and we’ll do anything (and everything) for them. But the fact is we can’t lose sight of our own needs. It’s what helps us feel rejuvenated so we have the strength to nurture and guide our children. After all, isn’t what our kids really need is a genuine, healthy, and energized woman who enjoys not only her family, but also herself? When you find the time to nourish yourself, whether it be your relationships, soul, body, or mind, your family will be more likely to appreciate the real you: an interesting, evolving, happier woman who not only loves them, but also life. Here are seven simple ways to make time for yourself so you can be better prepared to take care of your family.

1. Check out that daily schedule. Are you always going-going-going and feel like your life is one long to-do list? Before you can create more balance in your life, you must first have an accurate idea of your typical week. So look at that Palm Pilot, daytimer, or calendar and see what is really going on in your life. Just cutting one thing in your weekly activity can make a tremendous difference in restoring balance.

2. Say no & mean it. Write a reminder on an index card not to take on one more new task and tape it to your phone. Your new rule is: “Say no” first-or at least say you’ll have to call them back after your check your schedule. It can be a great time-saving strategy, because you’ll be less likely to impulsively commit yourself to things you really don’t have time for.

3. Start delegating. Why do it all the work yourself? Share the household chores as a family. Besides a less-stressed you, there will be more time for your family. But here’s the real clincher: when your family pitches in, research shows that your family happiness quotient increases by 32 percent. Just don’t be so darn picky! If your kid doesn’t make his bed like a Marine, let it go.

4. Exercise. If you really want to take better care of yourself, you know it’s essential to do a regular exercise routine. And no more excuses: you can do it alone, with your girlfriend or with your whole family. For instance, put the toddler in a stroller or the baby in a front back and walk each evening. Join a mother-daughter yoga class, or have your girlfriend come over each day, punch in that “Buns of Steel” tape, and go girl. Then keep doing it.

5. Find time for one new thing. Decide what’s taking a back seat in your family (spirituality, intellectual stimulation, fun, together time, talking) then boost it. For instance, if you want to read more, then do it as a family. Set an evening reading time. Stash books in a basket or spread a blanket on the floor for read-alongs. Sure it’s hard when your kids are toddlers, but for school-aged kids, it can be wonderful.

6. Date your significant other. Get a babysitter once a week (or twice a month)-and leave the kiddies at home. If you think going out sounds selfish, tell yourself you’re doing it for the good for your kids. Don’t put your marriage on the back burner.

7. Get a support system. Friends do matter. In addition to everything else they bring to your life, friends can really help in reducing stress and restoring balance. Here are a few suggestions:

• Create a Mommy & Me group. My girlfriend and I had kids the same ages so we connected weekly to do outings like picking blackberries or attending the library read-aloud program. Find one other mom: it’s healthy company for you and your kids.

• Start a book club. If you and your kids like to read, why not start a mother-daughter (or mother-son) book club? Instead of reading apart, you can enjoy each other’s company.

• Set up buddy lists. Why not set up a twenty-minute daily chat with your girlfriends online? You could stay connected without leaving home but also share healthy menus or ideas to tame your toddler’s tantrums. 

The simple everyday example of working in the garden, reading that great American novel, taking the computer class, meditating, writing in your journal, talking with a friend, soaking in the tub, taking an exercise class, dating your husband-it all teaches our children the importance of finding balance. It’s an important lesson they’ll need when they finally leave our nests and live their own lives.

Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an educational consultant and an author of over 20 books. These tips are excerpted from her latest book, “12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.”