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Kids and Technology
Publisher's Note

I’ve been a technologist my entire adult life, yet I find myself reluctant to provide communications technology to my children and teenagers.  I’ve been trying to understand the reasons underlying this uneasiness with providing technology to my own children and I think I have it. 

My wife and I provided cell phones to our two teenage daughters, primarily so they could contact us in case of an emergency, or if they found themselves in a situation that was uncomfortable for them or to arrange the logistics of pick ups and drop offs.  Why then are only five of their 500 or 1000 monthly minutes actually used for these purposes? 

We provided internet access to our children, primarily so they could do research for school papers and homework assignments.  Why then are they on the internet primarily in the late hours of the evening before bedtime or immediately upon coming home from school?  And why do they use MySpace and Yahoo! Mail more than Google or informational websites?

Kids are using their technology primarily for social communication with each other.  Most of this communication is private one on one interaction with a peer.  Such communication is remarkably different than communication in open social groups.  One on one communication is more intimate and naturally less censored by conscience and self filtering.  When we communicate in open social settings, we are aware of the monitoring of our conversations by others in the group and tend to socialize our ideas and language for group acceptance. 

It’s healthy for children and teens to participate in social, group activities such as dinner table conversations and family discussions, club meetings, team activities and socialize in groups.  There is a subtle community supervision that occurs in these settings where appropriate behaviors are modeled and rewarded while inappropriate behaviors and language are either shut down or redirected.  Allowing our children to spend inordinate amounts of time on cell phones or communicating on the internet is analogous to allowing them to lock themselves away in their room alone with a friend.  In my experience as a parent, this is where the trouble starts.

I like to know what’s going on with my kids – who they’re hanging out with, what they’re discussing, etc.  I much prefer being the fly on the wall, making pizzas or baking cookies for the kids and their friends while they’re bantering around the kitchen table, oblivious that I’m there until the food’s ready.  Occasionally, I’ll throw my two cents into their conversation.

Taking the phones and computers away isn’t the answer.  Encouraging and orchestrating direct, face to face social interaction with their friends with adult supervision (or at least presence) works.  It allows less time for the technology enabled communication and when it becomes habitual, the face to face interaction wins every time.  So, encourage your kids to invite their friends over for pizza night or movie night or sitting on the porch night or doing homework together night or after school study group or whatever.  The lure of technology is strong, but if you’re deliberate and persistent, you’ll win them over at least some of the time.

John Piccone is the publisher of Curious Parents.