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Does Birth Order Really Have an Effect on People’s Personalities?

By Kidane John Yohannes

Over the years, much has been made about birth order and how it shapes a child’s personality. Despite what is commonly believed, there is no scientific connection. With so many variables that can affect one’s personality, it’s nearly impossible to pinpoint which ones have the greater impact. When you consider a child’s gender and the various types of blended families out there, trying to find a connection becomes even more complex. Yet, while there are no hard facts to back birth order’s effect, the conventional wisdom on the subject does seem to hold true for many families. But at the heart of this often asked question is this: what is my child’s personality and how can I use that information to parent them better?

Elizabeth and Korel Bowman, parents of three, have noticed that some of their children do fit the commonly held birth order assumptions. They’re children, Darius, 12 years old, Noor, 6 years old, and Ahmed, 3 years old, fit these assumptions in some ways while differing in others. 

Generally first-borns, and only children, are viewed as the dependable, confident, high-achieving leaders. This is widely held to be true when you consider that more than half of U.S. presidents and Nobel Prize winners are first-borns. This is largely considered a result of the responsibility that is placed on them at an early age. This is especially true when subsequent children join the family. The first-born takes on a role of a surrogate parent, wielding a certain level of power over the younger siblings. Another factor that shapes the first-born is the parental involvement. Being the first born of the family means that parents are learning for the first time how to be, well, parents. The first-born initially receives all the attention and their achievements are usually met with high praise because, for the parents, it is a new experience also. With parental involvement so high in their child’s development, it’s believed that this is the reason why first-borns usually perform high academically. In the case of the Bowman family, Elizabeth notes how this description slightly differs from her son, Darius. “Darius is sensitive and, as bright as he is, Darius can be lazy,” she says laughing, “I feel like he’s this way because everything was done for him.”

The middle children are usually viewed as outgoing, social, fun people. They tend to strive for attention and love to be center stage. This is largely due to middle children feeling competitive with their older siblings. The middle child can struggle to define themselves because so much attention has been previously given to the first-born. To compensate for the “head start” the older sibling has received, middle children often try to define themselves by what the older siblings lack. This is especially true the closer the two are in age. So while the middle child may feel like that can’t compete with an older sibling academically, they find that they excel socially, an area where the older child may be weak. Within the Bowman family, this describes their middle child, Noor, very well. “Noor is very outgoing, extremely out going, but I feel she has the middle child syndrome because she feels a lot of expectations living under her big brother,” says Elizabeth.  

The youngest child of the family is usually free from the trapping that the older children succumb to. By this stage, the parents are more experienced and are more confident in their parenting. The youngest usually don’t feel the sense of competition that the middle child feels or the weight of responsibility at a young age that the oldest child felt. As a result, the youngest child is free to develop their own personality. However, these same children often drift aimlessly when not given enough direction. Unlike the first born, the youngest born isn’t usually thrust with responsibility and can have a hard time “growing up.” Also, when dealing with the youngest, there is a greater chance for them being spoiled. Here is a case, again, where this description does apply to the Bowman family. “Ahmed is pretty selfish…Darius can a little selfish, but Ahmed takes the cake. He’s spoiled. He will scream and cry if he has to share something,” said Elizabeth.  

While the effect, if any, that birth order has on a child’s personality may not hold up to absolute fact, it’s still worth taking notice of your child’s personality and considering the factors that have shaped their identity development. From this you can learn to shift your parenting methods accordingly and build a stronger bond with your child.

Kidane John Yohannes is a freelance writer.

Famous first-borns

Bill and Hilary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey

and Peter Jennings

Famous middle children

Madonna, Bill Gates and John F. Kennedy Jr.

Famous youngest children

Jim Carey, Billy Crystal and Janet Jackson

Famous only children

Elton John, Frank Sinatra and Robin Williams