Welcome to CuriousParents.com

Parenting

What a Chore! Coaching Parents to Motivate Tweens
By Dr. Caron B. Goode

Tweens have a lot on their plates: school, friends, extracurricular activities, impending puberty—it’s no wonder they have a hard time remembering their chores.

Common sense tells us tweens don’t remember chores because they are not important—to them. To tweens, chores may seem senseless. To parents, however, regular chores represent a sense of responsibility and belonging. Chores introduce tweens to the concepts of teamwork and time management. They also help build self-esteem and self-worth through pride in a job well done.

Before chores can teach these lessons, though, children must actually do them. That’s why they can be such an effective parenting tool if you master the art of motivating your tween.

Charts, reminders, and well-placed notes are all ways of to get your tween to put down her cellphone and pick up the broom. The problem is it’s also very time-consuming to be mapping out charts all the time and you already have enough on your plate, but, take heart, there’s ways to get the trash taken to the curb without five hours of work.

Motivating Your Tween With Personal Style

One of the most effective ways to motivate your tween is to consider his or her personal style first. Personal style is how an individual responds to people, time, situations, and tasks. One person may value relationships above all else while another feels that punctuality is most important. Still others may strive for speed and efficiency.

Knowing how your tween responds to chores is the key to keeping her on track. These responses are determined by her personal style, of which four exist: cognitive, behavioral, affective, and interpersonal. Most individuals have a combination of traits from all the groups, but are dominant in one. Use the chart below to identify your child’s style and how he or she responds to tasks. By observing and interacting with these responses, it is possible to successfully motivate your tween without going to war.

Getting Chores Done With Style

The cognitive style is defined by analytical and logical thinking, being orderly and organized, having a sense of discipline, and persistence. People who are dominant in the cognitive area like being told what to do, having a deadline and ample time to meet that deadline, but they don’t like being interrupted or feeling unappreciated. If this reminds you of your tween, try giving her a well-defined chore with instructions on how to do it and when you want it done. You’ll both be happier.

Some people are more dominant in the behavioral style, and they are more independent and productive, tend to be competitive and results-oriented, can be impatient at times and display unique abilities. Given that they are independent, this type of tweens don’t mind being told what to do, but don’t like to be controlled, either. Cooperation is cherished, but you better be prepared to let them find shortcuts, and don’t ever bore them with details—these tweens hate micromanaging. What you’ll want to do is to tell this type of tween the chore you want done and then just let them complete it.

Others wear a behavior style called affective. These tweens beam with energy and enthusiasm, love creating things whether art, crafts, or music. They lack discipline, however, and lose track of time easily. Tweens who tend to be affective like a fast pace and being challenged—in a fun way. But don’t confine them since they don’t like task-oriented goals, but do recognize their achievements—unless you like them being irked. The best way to approach a tween with a style like this is to tell her what to do and give a deadline, but make it a generous one as a guide—she’s sure to make the chore a game and one with an indefinite end.

The last type of style a tween, or any person for that matter, may have is the interpersonal one. Tweens like these don’t give up but are easy going, mature and practical. You can depend on them to complete a chore, have patience and cooperate. They can be shy though. The one thing you’ll want to avoid is telling them what to do—ask them. They love being trusted, having their boundaries respected and feeling appreciated—who doesn’t? You can bet they’ll do the chore. When you want a chore done, just ask him and give practical instructions with clearly outlined expectations of what you want. They like that. And everyone’s happier when no one is unhappy.

Dr. Caron B. Goode is the founding editor of the Web site www.acpi.biz    and the author of 11 books, the most recent of which is “Help Kids Cope with Stress & Trauma.