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Kids Going to Sleepaway Camp? How to Not Worry and Rest Tight
By Heidi Smith Luedtke
Since you brought them home from the hospital, you’ve
worried about what they eat and how much they sleep. You’ve kept them clean,
protected them from injury, and made sure they have safe opportunities to
learn and grow. If your kids are going to sleep-away camp this summer, you
may be wrestling with worries and what-ifs.
1. What if she doesn’t eat?
2. What if he wets the bed?
3. Will he put on clean clothes every day or wear the
same underwear until they’re dirty enough to stand on their own?
4. What if the other kids are cliquish or mean?
5. Will the camp director call me if she’s miserable?
Why Parents Worry
“Much of our anxiety as parents stems from the fact
that there are so many things we cannot control in our children’s lives,”
says Paul Donahue, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of Parenting
Without Fear: Letting Go of Worry and Focusing on What Really Matters.
In new situations, there are many unknowns, and it is
easy to let them get the best of you. You may worry that without structure
kids won’t be able to handle routine tasks like taking a shower, brushing
their teeth or getting dressed. One mom I know felt so sure her son wouldn’t
dress properly at camp that she packed his clothes-one pair of underwear,
shorts, shirt, and socks for each day of camp-in gallon-size Ziploc bags,
each labeled with a day of the week. Others make “do not forget” lists to
remind kids to brush their teeth, wash their faces, and comb their hair.
Because parents focus so much on kids’ needs, it’s hard
to step back and let kids take care of themselves. We’re bombarded by
coverage of natural disasters and child predators, so the world seems scary
and unsafe. “Concern about the safety of children has become something of a
national obsession,” Donahue said. Our protective instincts keep us on edge
- it is difficult to acknowledge we can’t protect kids completely. Sometimes
we have to trust others to care for our kids, and trust our kids to look out
for themselves. We fear what might go wrong when we aren’t there to
supervise.
Fear of letting go can be driven by our own uncertainty
about who we are without our children and what we’ll do with ourselves while
they’re away. Although many parents feel overscheduled and exhausted by
kids’ countless activities, we also thrive on the crazy busy-ness kids bring
to our lives. Without baseball practice, piano lessons, carpool, family
dinners, bedtime routines, and movie night, our lives would be slower and
saner and…emptier.
How to Stop It
Don’t let summer camp worries hold you hostage. Use
them as an opportunity to confront your own needs for safety, control, and
closeness. Here’s how:
• Step back. Anxieties have a way of sucking you in.
Your thoughts and emotions may be swirling like a tornado around you. Get
out of the eye of the storm and reflect on your feelings. What (exactly) are
your worries? Write them down so you can face them head on.
• Question your assumptions. Fears may be fueled by
irrational beliefs. Kids don’t suffer serious malnutrition from week-long
candy binges. And wearing dirty clothes won’t kill them either. Concerned
your temperamental child won’t fit in socially? Allow for the possibility
she’ll find buddies to hang out with all on her own. Don’t let your beliefs
limit kids’ potential.
• Share stories. One sure-fire way to break out of
anxiety is to remember and share the fun times you had at camp with your
kids. Tell them where you went and what you loved most. Maybe you loved the
zip line or were an archery expert. The time you flipped your canoe over and
got sopping wet in the lake shouldn’t be a secret. Your kids will love to
hear about your camp adventures as they embark on their own.
• Stay connected. The kids will be gone, but they won’t
be forgotten. Find fun postcards, print pictures of family pets, and collect
care-package items to send. Be creative and have fun with it - getting mail
from home makes kids feel special. Resist the urge to call and check in
every day: give kids space. Be sure you pack supplies for kids to send
letters home. They’ll want to share their experiences and you’ll treasure
their letters forever.
Anxiety over summer camp is understandable, but it
shouldn’t stop you from sending kids off to have new adventures. It’s likely
that many of your cherished childhood memories involve nature, new friends,
and time to explore on your own-summer camp offers all these opportunities
and more. It’ll be okay if they get dirty, eat too much sugar, or lose their
swim goggles somewhere along the way. Really.
Heidi Smith Luedtke is a freelance writer.
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