Curious Parents Parenting Resources

What goes around comes around …
Publisher's Note

Dear Mom and Dad:

I’m sorry and thank you.

I’m sorry for breaking your rules.  I’m sorry for being disrespectful.  I’m sorry for disregarding your advice, wasting time, squandering my talents, risky behavior way beyond my ability to deal with the consequences, spending rather than saving, valuing fun over studying, lying to you about what was really going on, taking for granted all that you gave me without even thinking of how privileged I was or expressing thanks.  And I can’t believe how I behaved toward you and disrespected you when you challenged me over all of these behaviors.

I can remember only some of the specific infractions - I know they’re only a sampling of the horrible ways that I treated you as a child, teenager and young adult who knew it all and thought my world view was all that mattered.  The time I forged your signature on a bad report card, the time I rolled the car out of the driveway with my friends so we could make a 3AM trip to 7-11 without waking you up and you thought someone was stealing the car, the time I screamed at you for being horrible parents because you wouldn’t let me go on an unchaperoned overnight trip with my teenage friends, the times I complained that you didn’t buy me enough without acknowledging the extra hours you worked for tuition money, the times I complained you weren’t as good as other parents who in fact were half the parents you were. 

Thank you for setting a good example.  Thank you for punishing me when I stepped out of line.  Thank you for consequences, distinguishing good from bad, your inspiration, your time and your love.  Thank you for tolerating my behavior with patience and understanding, thank you for knowing that I didn’t believe what I was saying, thank you for accepting my bad choices as journeys of discovery, thank you for your wisdom, thank you for giving me the things that mattered rather than the things I wanted, thank you for believing in me.

Perhaps it’s a sign of the quality of your parenting that I remember much more about your good behavior than my bad behavior.  What great times we had together around the dinner table – conversation, laughs, lessons, readers’ digest vocabulary words.  Dad, I kept your chair from the kitchen set so I could remember the importance of that dinnertime routine and your leadership around the table.  You gave us great family vacations that introduced us to the world and holidays at the grandparents that grounded us and surrounded us with the richness of extended family.  You were devoted to your own parents and siblings, visited them regularly and cared for them lovingly in their old age.

Well, I’m in that situation that I’m sure you found yourself at some point.  I’ve got a houseful of my own kids who think they know it all and could care less about what their mom and I have to say.  I find myself saying words that I heard from you on occasion, “someday, you’ll thank me for this” and hope that I’m doing as good a job as you did so that some day they will.