Curious Parents Parenting Resources

Sunday Suppers

My brother in law and I have accidentally revived an old family tradition from our youths.  We were sitting around one day, comparing notes from our shared Italian upbringings and stumbled on the great memories from sunday "suppers" at my Aunt Mary's house and his grandmother's house.  Both of us remembered  the dinners occurring in the afternoon, consisting of a huge portions of a broad selection of foods and including as many extended family members as could participate.  Uncles and aunts, cousins and grandparents would arrive at all different times and the afternoon was spent lazing around the house, mostly just talking.  The suppers happened every week, so the conversations weren't concerned with big topics of importance to the family, it was mostly chit chat getting caught up on the details of life since last week's installment.  There were at least three generations present and mingling with each other - passing on the traditions, mannerisms, values and stories of the family in comfortable, small, easily digestible installments.  We all became familiar with the quirks and idiosynchrasies of each of the family's characters - the jolly, carefree uncle, the brilliant cousin, the forgetful, but loving grandfather and on and on.

We enjoyed the reminiscences so much that we decided to see if we could organize a Sunday family supper with our two families, our wives' parents and whoever else we could rope in.  It took us a couple of months, but finally found a day when everyone could make it and made it happen.  The food was home made and it's preparation was shared by whoever wanted to help.  The table was set elaborately, but not formally - enough to make it special and different from dinners during the week, but not so much that it was stiff.  Everyone milled around till the meal, talking and laughing or just listening and watching.  The meal was animated and delicious and unlike the holidays, where the expectations are huge and the pressure palpable, this supper just unfolded with a comfortable and languid pace.  Everyone had a great time and said they'd love to do it again, so we committed to doing it again, but didn't set a date or specific plans.  A couple of months later, we stumbled on another Sunday when nobody had other plans and repeated the supper at another family member's house and it went even better than the first time.  The next time, a couple of other family members joined us.  The group has been getting larger and the suppers have been getting more frequent.  We all look forward to them and it's easier to make them happen because we're all starting to defer other obligations to keep Sundays free for the suppers.

Today, we had another supper at my brother in law's house.  For the past several suppers at his house, he has been recruiting the kids to help him make home made pasta from scratch.  They mix the flour and eggs, knead the dough, run it through the pasta maker to thin it out and then cut it into the selected shapes for supper.  Today, 6 of the kids helped him make the pasta and the amazing thing was that they did it all - he barely needed to supervise because they were all familiar enough by now that they do it all themselves.  My brother in law learned to make the pasta from his grandmother and mother, he taught our kids and some day, they'll teach their kids and grandkids too.  I realized from watching them make the pasta together this afternoon, that pasta isn't the only thing being passed down to them at our suppers.  They're learning about their family, learning to converse, learning how to cope with the issues that the family discusses and resolves during the meal and learning to love and support each other - and just like the pasta, they're learning this without even realizing that they're learning.

I've written in this space on previous occasions about the importance of regular, daily family dinners for immediate family.  My brother in law and I have accidentally stumbled upon the benefits and importance of frequent and regular dinners with the extended family.  I know my kids and their cousins will remember making pasta together, learning how to roll the perfect meatball, fold ravioli without squeezing out the filling and how to make coq au vin without making the chicken tough.  They'll talk about grandma's stories, their aunt's perfect table settings and their cousins' crazy antics.  You don't have to stumble on Sunday suppers accidentally, and I would recommend conspiring with some of your favorite family members to set it up a couple of times to see if it catches on.

John Piccone is the publisher of Curious Parents.