Curious Parents Parenting Resources

Advice For A New Dad
Publisher's Note

What advice would you give to a new dad?  Our Art Director became a father for the first time this month.  As a result, we’ve been having many discussions in the office reminiscing about births of children who are now teenagers, how fast it seems that kids grow up, and parenting situations that work and don’t work. 

In situations like these, I usually reflect and try to share personal experience that I think may be helpful.  There are several things it would have been helpful to know and understand about raising children. 

First: your children will emulate what you do and how you behave more than they will listen to how you say they should behave.  Kids are incredibly observant and absorb more than we think they do about what’s going on around them.  It’s the little behaviors that we repeat every day that they pick up on.  If you’re telling them to be kind and considerate of others, but are always critical of the wait staff or an aggressive driver who never yields to others, guess which lesson will sink in with them?

Second: your emotional communication to your children will be more effective than your verbal communication.  That quick smile, congratulatory pat on the back, thumbs up, or warm hug will communicate way more than words and will stay with them longer.  Likewise, to change negative behavior, a little shame, guilt or anger will be a whole lot more effective than a rational discussion of the pros and cons of a situation.  The problem with negative emotions is that we’re usually in an emotional state when they’re delivered, so they may not be judiciously applied.

Third: it’s just as important for your children to have a sense of who they are as what to do.  We’re so concerned about our kids having skills and abilities to succeed that we spend more time teaching them what to do and how to do it than anything else.  It’s just as important, if not more for our kids to understand who they are, why they’re here on earth and to explore their purpose in life.  A strong sense of purpose defines who they are and how they behave.

Fourth: kids desperately want approval from their friends and there is a time when they’re teenagers that the approval of their friends will be much more important to them than the approval of their parents.  Make sure in the choices you make for community, school activities, vacations, etc. that you’re surrounding your children with others who have the values and character that will reinforce rather than redirect.  When their values and character are challenged, make sure that you’re there to help them understand and make the right choices.

Well, that’s my two cents, or, I guess, four cents.  If you have something else that you think is important, please send it to us at jpiccone@curiousparents.com. 

John Piccone is the publisher of Curious Parents.